A confident message says what is happening, what you need, and—when useful—when you need it. A rude message dismisses the other person or treats their time and perspective as irrelevant. Directness itself is not rude.
A useful formula: context + clear request + reasonable timing.
Remove the nervous padding
Words like “just,” “maybe,” “I was wondering,” and “no worries if not” can pile up until the actual request disappears. You do not need to remove every softening word. Keep the ones that add warmth; cut the ones that make your meaning harder to find.
Hi! Sorry to bother you again. I was just wondering if maybe you had a chance to review the draft?
Hi — following up on the draft I sent Tuesday. Could you share your feedback by Friday?
Be specific instead of forceful
Specific requests often feel calmer than vague demands. Name the decision, action, or deadline rather than adding intensity.
I really need you to get back to me ASAP because this is becoming a problem.
I need your approval before I can send this. Can you confirm by 3 p.m. today?
Keep warmth in the relationship, not in disclaimers
You can acknowledge the other person without backing away from your point. “Thanks for taking a look” or “I appreciate the context” adds warmth. “This is probably silly” makes your request smaller before it has been considered.
Quick checklist before sending
- Can the reader identify your main point in one read?
- Is the request concrete?
- Have you removed apologies that are not attached to actual harm?
- Does the message respect both your needs and the reader’s agency?
Rewrite the draft you already have
Say The Thing turns texts, DMs, work messages, and email into clear, confident language while keeping the meaning yours.
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